Another beginning…

Wow….so much has happened or not happened since the last time I blogged. I’m not even sure where to begin. As crazy as it may sound, I believe that things happen for a reason. There could be simple things like reading a book that you had for years but maybe you needed the message now. Maybe it is sitting by a complete stranger on a plane and you needing to hear their story. Life has a funny way of showing you things as long as you are open to seeing them. I just want to say I get it…I need to make changes. I’m currently at the highest weight I have ever been in my life. I used to think 300 lbs was the highest I would go. God knows I swore to myself a million times that I was going to change. I know all of the right words to say but it’s the action part that I would get hung up on. The last time I went to the doctor I weighed 326 lbs and even though I’m on blood pressure medicine, my blood pressure was still high. I talked to the doctor about my knees and the swelling that I was experiencing. I guess bootcamp was a little too much for this big body. I hate to admit defeat but it was too difficult. My doctor told me that I should have never done it. The jumping, burpees and craziness is too much for me right now. She told me she wanted to me to get an X-ray on one of my knees and to do at least 30 minutes of cardio a day. She changed my blood pressure medicine to include a water pill to help with the swelling. I’m almost 100% sure that my job is playing into my blood pressure issues. For years I have worked way more than I should and have neglected myself. Sometimes it takes tragic situations for you to wake up and realize that life is too short. Over the course of the last couple weeks my eyes and ears have been wide open. I’ve attended work conferences but personally needed the message from the speakers. I was surrounded by some amazing people on the flights and heard their stories. A friend was rushed to the hospital which shook me to my core. You start to question yourself and how you are living your life. Will anyone at my job miss me if I die tomorrow? Am I living an infinite or finite life? Do I put myself and my family first? Am I living my best life? I could go on and on with the million questions that I asked myself. At the end of the day I want to be a better person that has a positive impact on those around me. I want to be healthy and happy. So…tomorrow is a new beginning. I can’t change all of the poor decisions that got me to this point but I can try to make better decisions going forward. No more excuses!

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Baby steps

I’ve tried and failed a million times. Losing weight can be challenging. My biggest obstacle is me. I seem to lack discipline and of course the mental side of things is not easy. This time around I thought I would try to deal with my crazy. If I could strip away the work excuses and stress and focus on being positive then perhaps I would start to see changes. It’s difficult to make changes if you are constantly beating yourself up or not putting yourself first. I’m trying to ease into it. Monday I started tracking my calories and started taking walks again. The doctor would love for me to eat 1200 calories but I think I should take baby steps. Going from eating God only knows how many calories to eating just 1200 is too extreme. I’m pretty sure I would convince myself I was dying and/or starving to death. Extreme changes do not work for me. I get frustrated and quit. I’m hoping tracking the calories will make me more aware of what I’m putting into my body. I may not eat a lot of food but the foods that I was choosing were high in calories. On Sunday we had our last “free meal”. I was shocked when I added up the calories. Just lunch was 2600 calories. Complete insanity. This is a meal that I’ve ordered several times before and did not even realize exactly what I was doing. I think being more aware and learning what the different calorie counts are for the foods that I eat will help me come up with a better plan. The walking is difficult to say the least. I’m glad I’m getting back to it but I’m super slow. I can feel the additional weight that I’ve added to my body. I keep telling myself that it will all improve soon enough. So…I’m listening to positive messages, tracking my calories and easing back into walking again. One message, step and calorie at a time. 

Scale Challenges

Month two of my DietBet challenge has come to an end which means I must weigh in. With all of the craziness of moving, working a million hours, not eating right and not making it to the gym like I should I have been avoiding the scale. I knew I was falling into old habits but I really didn’t need the scale to confirm that. So I did what any normal person would do…I talked to the scale. For the love of God and all that is holy please don’t show a number over 300 pounds again. Just in case you are wondering…that didn’t work out in my favor. So then I went to plan B…move the scale around my bathroom until I see the number I want to see. Boom! That worked! I may not know my true weight but I got the number I needed for the DietBet challenge. I’m pretty sure that won’t work next time so I need to get my crap together. Hopefully things will balance out soon at work and I will finish moving this weekend. A girl can dream…

Excuses or horrible priorities?

Sorry…it’s been a while since my last confession. I’m not sure if I like making excuses, have crappy luck or am just not disciplined enough. Life knows how to throw me some curveballs and then I just strike out. I seriously fail every time there is a choice between me and something else. The first excuse on the list is after a very long time in one house we decided to relocate to another house. This moving process has been going on for about two weeks. There is just too much junk and not enough time. Why is there no time? Well my work life sucks…a lot. We are down at least seven people. I had this glorious plan that in March I would be focusing on one job, leave work at a decent time and get healthy. Then everything was turned upside down. Now I’m working at least 12 hour days and am unable to keep a consistent gym schedule. Tomorrow is my monthly weigh in and I’m pretty sure I didn’t meet the goal. It all just sucks. I want to be awesome for my team but I’m worried about my health. How can I make this work? I feel like I have to cover as much as I can at work so more people don’t leave. I know that’s crazy but I’m not sure what else to do. So…I’m further down the priority list again. Same problem but just a different year. I just need to come up with a plan of attack. Until then I will squeeze in gym time whenever I can and try to make it all work. 😬

Mirror, mirror on the wall

I’ve avoided mirrors for years. Why stand and stare at myself if I’m not happy with what I see? The gym is surrounded with mirrors and that was a huge struggle for me when I first started going. The trainer wanted me to look at myself so I could see my form and movements. I would look at her instead. Once in a while I would look at myself. Conversations with myself slowly started to happen. This is all part of my journey. I may not be happy with what I see but I’m working on it. In the beginning I would pick myself apart. There was a list of flaws. Now it’s just me becoming a better version on myself. Let’s not get crazy. I’m not going to going to stare at myself for hours or stop every time I see my reflection. I’m just not running from it anymore. Learning to love myself is a process. At some point I had to realize I am who I am. My double chin isn’t going to disappear overnight. My eyes are my eyes. My nose is my nose. My body is my body. All of these things are just what people see and don’t determine who I am at my core. I happen to like myself. I’m honest, caring and pretty funny at times. That to me is more important than what I can see with my eyes. My physical appearance will change more and more thru the years. This winning personality though…it will be constant. πŸ˜‰

Meal prep amateurΒ 

I’ve tried to avoid meal prepping for the longest. People swear by it but I do not get excited about leftovers. Needless to say I know my eating habits are more than likely the main reason I haven’t lost as much as I probably should have at this point. Meal prepping provides me with a plan and as long as I am disciplined it should work. I didn’t want to get too crazy with the meals. After all I suck at cooking and I didn’t want to prepare a bunch of food that I would end up throwing away. So…I made turkey chili and baked chicken. My game plan was to have turkey chili three days and baked chicken, rice and green beans for two days. I even purchased snacks so I could attempt to eat something every 4-6 hours. The first strike occurred when I didn’t make enough rice for both meals. I ended up with chili and rice for one meal and baked chicken and lots of green beans for the second meal. The second strike came when I realized I sucked at eating 4-6 times a day. It’s actually really hard if you aren’t used to it. Once I can develop a routine then I will probably set alarms to help me with this. Meetings, work and not having a consistent workout schedule threw me off this week. Strike three…chili with lots of beans may not be the best food to consume multiple times a week while trying to workout. It brought a whole new meaning to bubble guts. 😬I’m sure I made tons of new friends at the gym. There were some positives with meal prepping as well. I didn’t stress about cooking or wondering what I was eating every day and night. It was actually nice to stay at the office and get some work accomplished instead of going out to eat. Oh and I’m sure I saved money by not eating out every day. I will be honest and say I did make my way to Starbucks twice. I love their oatmeal and I had to have the pumpkin spice latte before it’s gone. All in all I would say there were more positives than negatives with it. I definitely plan to do it again but will avoid turkey chili for the next round. I will prep again on Sunday and will weigh in again on Wednesday. I’m curious and nervous to see what the scale will show. Wish me luck! 

How did that happen?

Today was the final weigh-in for one of my DietBets. I can honestly say I was dreading it. I had been walking and hitting the gym so much but not seeing any movement. I finally accepted the fact that the issue had to be with my eating. I did a little research on polycystic ovary syndrome and discovered there is a list of foods I should avoid. It also broke down what I should be eating and how often. I knew that PCOS made it difficult to lose weight but I never even thought there would be some sort of diet that needed to be followed with it to help lose weight. It totally makes sense and I feel a little silly for not thinking of it sooner. Oh well…you live and you learn. After learning this lesson I decided it was probably best that I do the one thing I’ve been avoiding…meal prepping. I finally went shopping and prepped my meals for the week yesterday. Apparently with PCOS they suggest you eat 4-6 times a day. Needless to say I purchased my snacks too. I kept telling myself that I wasn’t going to reach my goal for this weigh-in but damn it I would be prepared for the next one. After staring at it for a long time I finally dragged the scale out and stepped on. I could not believe my eyes! I was out of the 300 pound club and met my DietBet goal!!! I don’t know how in the heck I lost 8 pounds since Wednesday but I will take it. So stinkin excited!! Now off to conquer this week with my new diet. πŸ˜πŸ‘πŸ»