The end is near

Or at least I hope so! What a freakin shit day yesterday was. As we dropped my sons car off to be repaired I gave the man at the counter the “you better not screw me over” look. It included the two fingers pointing at my eyes and then at his. I see you guy. We both know this is covered under warranty and my week has been shit so don’t mess with me. That went over real well. We were there when the place opened and of course he calls right before closing to let me know the car would not be ready until Friday afternoon. Thanks guy. You = awesome. Another day I get to drive the fam around. Woohoo! That means I get to stay at work super late to try and make up for the time away. Work sucked big, sweaty, lint covered balls yesterday. When I finally made it to work the chaos started. Two out sick and one with tooth drama. We had three interviews scheduled and only one showed. Oh and my old landlord called to let me know I wasn’t getting a single penny of my deposit back. I’m pretty sure I would have gone completely insane if I wasn’t at work. How does that happen? Why does that happen? They are putting the place up for sale so new appliances need to be purchased and carpet replaced. So what if I lived there 7 years and it was normal wear and tear. If they were renting it they wouldn’t have to replace those items. So a big solid middle finger to that whole thing. I leave work to pick my son up from work. Drop him off and back to work I go. I thought it would be in my best interest to stop for food on the way back so that I can enjoy a lovely dinner at my desk. So what if the skies have opened up and I can barely see out the window. I drive thru the lovely Chick fil a. Since it’s been a shit day I decide I need a shake in my life. I mean why not? My Dietbet already sucks ass so why not add on a few more pounds? A co-worker asked me to grab her a sandwich as well. Just the sandwich…why not a meal? So now I get to look like the fat ass that orders a meal and an extra sandwich. Thanks for that. No I’m not consuming all of this food. I’m sure that’s what the people at the window are thinking. Oh well…I drive back to work. Once there I swear God was dumping buckets on my car. Now I have to figure out how to hold the bag of food, my shake, an umbrella, keys and my phone. In case you are wondering it didn’t work out. Rain is coming in 20 different directions and I’m not sure why the hell I’m even trying to use an umbrella. Paper bags of food and rain don’t mix well. The bag got wet and the food was dropped. Now I’m the fat ass in the parking lot picking food up off the ground. To top it all off my boob is dipped in my shake while trying to do everything. So…I finally make it in the building with wet food, soaking wet clothes, wet shoes and cookies and cream shake on my boob. Yes…everything is awesome. I worked in the wetness until my daughter in-law got off work a few hours later. I pick her up and go home. After a few hours of sleep Friday is here and the day has started. For the love of God and all that is holy please let today be better than yesterday. 

Lost

Have you ever questioned everything? Are your friends your friends? Are you consumed with what people think? Do you feel like you’re constantly failing? I know all of this sounds crazy and I’m sure I’m just feeling this way because of how chaotic my work life is right now. It’s difficult to know who to trust and if you are making the right decisions. A very large part of me just wants to walk away. I’m just tired. There is so much work and no matter how many hours I work I still feel like I will never get ahead. I’m doing too many jobs and doing them all poorly. There isn’t a light at the end of this tunnel. If there is it is months away. I’m trying really hard to mentally prepare myself for what is to come but it seems to be a daily struggle to keep focused. I find myself playing the if they do this then I quit game. That’s not who I am. I am not a quitter nor do I give ultimatums. I feel the bags growing under my eyes. My neck has been tightening up a lot here lately. I keep rolling it around looking for relief. Then I start to go crazy thinking I’m about to stroke out. How can I get back into the routine of walking and exercising when I feel like every moment I’m awake I should be at work? Then I wonder what the hell am I doing it all for? If I was to die tomorrow what would I be remembered for? My guess would be that I worked a lot. Somehow I need to snap out of this funk. I need to figure out my priorities and what’s important. This lost feeling isn’t working for me.