Just laugh 😂

Have you ever had one of those days where everything goes wrong? Those are the days I laugh the hardest. I laugh at how I thought it couldn’t get any worse and then it does. Perhaps I laugh to keep from crying. Needless to say the last couple of days have been tough. Work sucks…a lot. I thought it would be better by now but it’s gotten worse. I’ve decided that I will not work more than 70 hours a week. It’s still a lot but it’s a step in the right direction. Honestly after the last couple of days I will probably shorten it even more. We have experienced some turnover and unfortunately more pressure is being applied to me. With me trying to work less now, I can’t cover everything. If I’m being honest I wouldn’t be able to cover everything if I worked more. It’s just not humanly possible for one person to cover that many jobs. At this point I’m extremely frustrated with my boss, his boss and HR because no one seems to hear me when I say this is too much. I’m seriously about to snap. I curse people out on a daily basis. I look like shit. I feel like shit and it’s just getting worse. Apparently there will be changes to our insurance cost in 2018. My job required the employees to have a medical screening in order to receive savings on our insurance next year. This lovely screening occurred yesterday. They checked weight, height, blood sugar, cholesterol, BMI and blood pressure. I tried to tell the guy my arms were large and he needed a bigger blood pressure cuff but of course he didn’t listen. I busted out of that thing like the Incredible Hulk. He got a larger one and then checked my blood pressure. He asked me what it normally was and I told him normal because I take medication. Apparently it wasn’t normal at that moment. I was 144/101. I said of course because I have a stressful as job and you just tried to amputate my arm. My height…yeah I’m shrinking or I seriously need to start working on my posture. Weight…big girl has hit a new high at 314 lbs. No wonder I breathe heavy getting dressed. He almost whispered that I was obese like it was some secret. I was like dude…do you see me? That shit is no secret. Blood sugar and cholesterol was great. So here is the conclusion I came to…my job is literally killing me. I’m stressed the fuck out which is causing my blood pressure issues. I’m fat as hell because I can’t do anything but work. After this realization I share it with my boss’s boss. I actually thought we were friends on some level until this clown tells me that my workload is normal for this industry. I said no the hell it isn’t. He basically gave the HR appropriate answer like I was going to sue or something. Why couldn’t he man up and say I understand and we are trying to fix it? Thank you for all that you do. Maybe you need to take some time off. He could have said a million things that would have made me feel better but instead he said the one thing that told me he didn’t care about me. Thanks…glad I know where we stand now. I was a little bummed after that last night. Not only did I hit a new weight high but people that I thought cared about me personally really do not. Fast forward to today. For some unknown damn reason I signed up for a boot camp a couple of weeks ago. Today was the meeting and day to get measurements. Awesome…I get to find out how fat I am again. Two days in a row just makes me so happy. Anyway…I had to leave work earlier than I normally would to make it to the gym for the meeting. Don’t you worry…I still worked close to 11 hours. 😉 I’m walking out to my car with another girl from work. I get into my car to leave and realize I split my pants. I hop out to try and catch my friend but she didn’t see me waving at her. At this point I’m pretty sure my ass is exposed but I’m not 100% sure. There is no time for me to go home and change because of course I left work later than I should. I pull my shirt down and carry on. Okay I’m fat so pulling my shirt down only last for so long. The damn thing is going to roll back up. I get to the place and go straight to the restroom. Yes ladies and gentlemen we have a confirmed tear. Damn the luck. I laughed so freakin hard. Like you can’t make that up. Who splits their freakin pants right before getting measured for boot camp? Definitely one of those “here’s your sign” situations. I’m not sure who saw my ass but I’m sure if we are in boot camp together they will witness more horrifying things than that. Shit gets real beginning Monday. Let’s hope I don’t die. 🙏🏻


Coach or not coach? 

When I started the 21 day fix and Shakeology I was looking for a change. I was over 300 pounds with high blood pressure and could barely do anything without breathing heavy and sweating. I’ve tried several diets but I believe those are temporary. They work for the moment but are probably not the healthiest approach. The first thing that the doctors want to do is give me appetite suppressants because they automatically assume that I overeat. Sure I lose weight with those too but what do they do to my body? I’m basically starving it by eating 500 calories a day. Not to mention the impact that they have on your digestive system. Of course the next thing to be suggested is weightloss surgery. I agree that it is necessary for some people but I refuse to believe it is for me. I did not have surgery to get this big. I don’t want a magic pill or quick fix. I don’t believe those things are healthy or will work long term. When I was introduced to the 21 day fix and Shakeology I was skeptical to say the least. In fact the first couple of times I declined the offer. I thought it was just like the other diets. This time around my soon to be coach was extremely patient with me and answered all of my silly questions. I discovered this wasn’t a diet at all. It’s a lifestyle change. You learn to become active again with the videos, the shakes provide your body with nutrients it doesn’t receive, the meal plan provides you the list of foods you should eat and the containers show you the portions your body should be consuming. You can tell by my blog this process hasn’t been easy but I’m glad I am doing it. After just one week I lost 7.7 pounds. That’s insane to me especially knowing that I have not starved myself or been in a gym for hours. As far as being active I have done what I have been doing for months except for the 30 minute workout videos. If we are Fitbit friends you know I didn’t suddenly start walking 10,000 steps a day. I’m still averaging around 4000. I’m definitely not starving. In fact one of my biggest struggles has been to consume the amount of food they suggest that I do. This has been an eye opening experience to say the least. When I first signed up I debated about signing up to be a coach. I thought it would be fun to sign up and then coach my friends while going thru the process at the same time. I decided against it because what if it didn’t work? I also wanted the freedom to say exactly what I thought about the 21 day fix without the fear of being sued because I was a coach. That’s probably not even a thing but in my mind I had convinced myself I would be in trouble. 😊 So…here we are today. I’m in love with it. I know if I stick with it my life will change. I can’t help but want that same thing for other people. Am I really coach material though? I’m incredibly shy, definitely not a salesman and am still morbidly obese. I don’t want to be that pushy friend that constantly talks about it. You know the one you avoid because you don’t want to hear that same story again. I don’t want to flood social media and people start blocking me. I honestly just want to be my normal amazing self. I believe that actions speak louder than words. My hope would be that people would want to do it not because I’m a pushy, annoying friend but because they see the results I’m getting. Is that enough though? Will that have an impact and make people want to change their lives? I guess we will find out because I’m going to try. Wish me luck!