I’m in control

It sounds great to say it. Heck it even feels good reading it. I am where I am, I look how I look and I feel how I feel because I choose to. Yes bad things happen. People get sick and tragedies occur. We are still in control of how we respond to these things. I’m sure it sounds super cheesy but for the last week I have really tried to choose my mood. Negativity is a breeding ground for more negativity. It doesn’t feel good to be negative. I’ve worked too much and let my job control my life. Twice last week I left work early to join friends for a drink. I stayed late one night and actually felt great doing it because I chose to do it. I didn’t feel all of the heaviness and stress of completing a task. I stayed because I really wanted to. I know this may sound crazy or not make sense to most people. I felt free this past week. I wasn’t stressed and snapping at people. Anytime I started to have a negative thought I would correct myself. I have a million things to be thankful for so I choose to focus on that and where I want to go instead of all of the darkness that has been surrounding me. I won’t lie and say it has been easy. It’s actually kind of scary when you start to pay attention to your negative moments and how often they occur. Little things like judging someone’s shoes. Why is that even important? It’s such a small thing but that one small negative thing turns into hatred and depression. First it’s the shoes and then you start picking everything and everyone apart including yourself. When you can recognize that then you can start to change. I knew I couldn’t do it completely on my own so I started to feed my mind positive messages. I started to read a book and have been listening to T.D. Jakes. Below are a few of my takeaways. Hopefully they will help someone like they have me. 

  • You will never get anyone to believe in you until you believe in yourself 
  • When you start running from one thing you are going to keep running from everything
  • Whatever you are saying about they may be about you. Your they may be you in disguise
  • If you don’t have confidence in private you won’t have power in public 
  • It isn’t about what you say. It is what you believe. You know all the right things to say but do you actually believe what you are saying about yourself 
  • These things that you believe become your vision statement
  • Your unbelief is a result of something you heard. You didn’t believe you were dumb until someone told you that you were. Until you change the words in your head, your opportunities will continue to hemorrhage 
  • You are planted not buried. When you bury something you intend it to stay in the ground. When something is planted you intend to grow it. 
  • Everything is a choice
  • You choose the food you eat, the clothes you wear, and the thoughts you think. You choose to be calm or restless, you choose to feel appreciative or ungrateful 
  • Love is a choice. Anger is a choice. Fear is a choice. Courage is a choice.
  • You choose

Reboot

The long vacations and holidays are over so it is time to refocus and begin again. This time around I’m hoping that I will be stronger, dedicated and more focused. Somewhere along the way I’ve convinced myself that I’m not important. Everyone else comes first and well it’s just me so I will be okay. Learning to change my way of thinking will be really tough for me. I know who I want to be but getting there won’t be easy. Until I am a better person inside I will never be the person I want to be on the outside. I’m not saying losing weight won’t happen but until I get my thoughts in order it will always be a battle. I will start, cheat, stop and then restart. It will be a vicious  cycle of me losing and then gaining. Even if I lose a lot it will never be enough if I don’t work on the inside. Learning to love yourself at my age is difficult. Putting myself first will be a challenge but is necessary. There is no doubt in my mind that if I’m completely healthy that others around me will benefit. I’m not sure where to start but I have to do something. So…baby steps. I came up with a 21 day challenge for myself. I attempted to list 21 things I wanted to complete or habits I wanted to develop over the 21 days. It started to get overwhelming and I felt something would get lost or forgotten. The last thing I want to do is set myself up for failure. I decided to limit the list to 10 things…well sort of. I know that I have to develop a daily routine if I want to make changes. I will have to create a strict schedule for myself to make sure that I stay focused and develop healthy habits. Below is my list of 10. My thought process is that if I work less and spend less time on things that don’t matter that I will have more time to focus on what does. Early to rise with positive words and a workout. Hopefully if I begin my day right it will stay that way. I don’t have all of the right answers and I may be way off base with my thoughts but anything has to be better than what I’m currently doing. The reboot begins tomorrow! 

  1. Drink Shakeology daily
  2. Read a book 
  3. Exercise at least 30 minutes per day
  4. Create a budget and stick with it
  5. Drink at least 100 ounces of water daily
  6. Blog at least twice a week
  7. Work less than 60 hours a week
  8. No fast food
  9. Give up Facebook 
  10. Lose 10 pounds