Alone

Have you ever felt completely alone? There are so many thoughts racing thru your mind. You recall a thousand conversations that make you feel more alone. Does anyone really care or are you surrounded by people that ask how you are but don’t wait for the answer? There are people that fake like they care. You know the ones that say call me if you need to talk but they really didn’t mean that for real. They claim to be Christian women that want to help others but really I think they just like saying it. Maybe they just want to help others like them. I don’t know. Maybe all of this is just some crazy funk I’m feeling at the moment. My life is a little upside down right now. I’m making big decisions that will totally change my life. There is no way to know what the right decision is or what the outcome will be. It’s scary. I keep telling myself to have faith and it will all work out. I believe in my heart that is true. My head though…that’s a different story. I guess it’s just making me question everything. There are people that have been in my life for over 20 years and I thought they actually cared about me. Perhaps they really were just work associates and not friends. Hell I’ve never been to their house, we don’t hang out so why would I think we were friends? Which then makes me question how many friends I really have. I’ve lived a life full of work and caring for kids. Perhaps I’ve separated myself from everyone that tries to be a friend. I don’t know. It’s late and my brain is in overload right now. Tomorrow I will be awesome. Oh and to the friend that may read this. I love you and don’t worry…I’m okay. 🤗

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Just me, myself and I

Warning this may be an asshole moment. I think today it finally hit me. The light came on or whatever the heck you want to call it. My kids are older and doing there own thing now. My friends have younger kids, financial challenges or I just suck. Either way I find myself alone a lot. During this alone time I’m practically begging friends and family to eat, watch tv, go somewhere or whatever else. A majority of the time I strike out. If they say yes it really is a temporary yes. I wait, wait and wait some more only to be told I can go ahead without them. Thanks…the day is almost over so now I’m just staying home. It sucks a lot. You start questioning yourself. Why am I alone? Why doesn’t anyone want to hang out? As I’m sitting at the beach eating breakfast alone I realize that I’m totally okay being alone. I’m funny and just all around freakin amazing so I can entertain my damn self. I will go to the movies, take a trip, eat wherever I want and enjoy life solo. I’m done asking and waiting. Life is too short and me, myself and I have lots we want to do. See ya when I see ya ✌️