Bye 2019

Isn’t it crazy how the closer it gets to the end of the year, we can’t wait for it to be over? We are convinced it was the worst year ever and are super dramatic about it. We may even throw ourselves on the floor. We instantly forget all of the good things that happened throughout the whole year. I’m totally guilty of doing all of that. Saying goodbye to 2019 is a little different than previous years. I feel like this time I’m actually closing out the last chapter of my first book. I’m hoping that all the pain and craziness in the first book was all build up for an extremely happy ending in the second book. What? A girl can dream. 🤷‍♀️ I’m excited about 2020! At this moment it feels like anything is possible and big changes will occur. It almost feels like you just bought a lottery ticket and are convinced you are going to win. You even start planning out what you will do with the money. That’s how I’m looking at 2020. I may dye my hair a crazy color, create a dating profile, run with the bulls, zip line, find baby Yoda, start a doggie daycare, get a tattoo, write a book or skydive. There are endless possibilities. The question is will I allow myself to do anything? Will I get out of my own way and really live my best life? God I hope so! Happy New Year everyone!

Just me, myself and I

Warning this may be an asshole moment. I think today it finally hit me. The light came on or whatever the heck you want to call it. My kids are older and doing there own thing now. My friends have younger kids, financial challenges or I just suck. Either way I find myself alone a lot. During this alone time I’m practically begging friends and family to eat, watch tv, go somewhere or whatever else. A majority of the time I strike out. If they say yes it really is a temporary yes. I wait, wait and wait some more only to be told I can go ahead without them. Thanks…the day is almost over so now I’m just staying home. It sucks a lot. You start questioning yourself. Why am I alone? Why doesn’t anyone want to hang out? As I’m sitting at the beach eating breakfast alone I realize that I’m totally okay being alone. I’m funny and just all around freakin amazing so I can entertain my damn self. I will go to the movies, take a trip, eat wherever I want and enjoy life solo. I’m done asking and waiting. Life is too short and me, myself and I have lots we want to do. See ya when I see ya ✌️

Breathe B****! 

Yes I was yelling this at myself this morning as I was going up the never ending stairwell. I suppose I should start at the beginning. My friend has purchased tickets for us to go to the crown of the Statue of Liberty on my birthday. We are both pretty excited about it but of course I had a minor freak out moment because well I’m fat. I’m pretty sure fat people do not go up 20 floors of stairs ever in life. I work in a building that has 3 floors and if I have to go to the 3rd I’m taking the elevator. I’m breathing a little heavy when I take the stairs to the 2nd floor. I’m clumsy and fat so I naturally avoid stairs. Needless to say I figured if I somehow trained then perhaps I would make it to the crown next month. Today was my first “training” day. I wanted to push myself as far as I could so I would know where I stood and could set goals. Honestly I thought I would make it to the 7th or 8th floor. As I’m walking up to the building I start going thru the list of reasons why I would only get to that floor. I’m fat. I can barely do 2 floors at work. I’ve been working out twice a day so maybe my body can’t handle it. The list of excuses just kept flowing. Never in a million years did I ever think there was a possibility that I would reach the 20th floor on my first time. It was not easy by any means. There were times when I thought about quitting. I was sweating like crazy and breathing so heavy that I could have awaken the dead. Regardless I kept pushing and reached the 20th. I’m not sure if I looked at my watch correctly but I think I did it in 8 minutes. I was completely shocked. I ignored my excuses and far exceeded my expectations. Instead of saying breathe maybe I should be telling myself to shut up. ☺️