I’ve tried and failed a million times. Losing weight can be challenging. My biggest obstacle is me. I seem to lack discipline and of course the mental side of things is not easy. This time around I thought I would try to deal with my crazy. If I could strip away the work excuses and stress and focus on being positive then perhaps I would start to see changes. It’s difficult to make changes if you are constantly beating yourself up or not putting yourself first. I’m trying to ease into it. Monday I started tracking my calories and started taking walks again. The doctor would love for me to eat 1200 calories but I think I should take baby steps. Going from eating God only knows how many calories to eating just 1200 is too extreme. I’m pretty sure I would convince myself I was dying and/or starving to death. Extreme changes do not work for me. I get frustrated and quit. I’m hoping tracking the calories will make me more aware of what I’m putting into my body. I may not eat a lot of food but the foods that I was choosing were high in calories. On Sunday we had our last “free meal”. I was shocked when I added up the calories. Just lunch was 2600 calories. Complete insanity. This is a meal that I’ve ordered several times before and did not even realize exactly what I was doing. I think being more aware and learning what the different calorie counts are for the foods that I eat will help me come up with a better plan. The walking is difficult to say the least. I’m glad I’m getting back to it but I’m super slow. I can feel the additional weight that I’ve added to my body. I keep telling myself that it will all improve soon enough. So…I’m listening to positive messages, tracking my calories and easing back into walking again. One message, step and calorie at a time.
It sounds great to say it. Heck it even feels good reading it. I am where I am, I look how I look and I feel how I feel because I choose to. Yes bad things happen. People get sick and tragedies occur. We are still in control of how we respond to these things. I’m sure it sounds super cheesy but for the last week I have really tried to choose my mood. Negativity is a breeding ground for more negativity. It doesn’t feel good to be negative. I’ve worked too much and let my job control my life. Twice last week I left work early to join friends for a drink. I stayed late one night and actually felt great doing it because I chose to do it. I didn’t feel all of the heaviness and stress of completing a task. I stayed because I really wanted to. I know this may sound crazy or not make sense to most people. I felt free this past week. I wasn’t stressed and snapping at people. Anytime I started to have a negative thought I would correct myself. I have a million things to be thankful for so I choose to focus on that and where I want to go instead of all of the darkness that has been surrounding me. I won’t lie and say it has been easy. It’s actually kind of scary when you start to pay attention to your negative moments and how often they occur. Little things like judging someone’s shoes. Why is that even important? It’s such a small thing but that one small negative thing turns into hatred and depression. First it’s the shoes and then you start picking everything and everyone apart including yourself. When you can recognize that then you can start to change. I knew I couldn’t do it completely on my own so I started to feed my mind positive messages. I started to read a book and have been listening to T.D. Jakes. Below are a few of my takeaways. Hopefully they will help someone like they have me.
- You will never get anyone to believe in you until you believe in yourself
- When you start running from one thing you are going to keep running from everything
- Whatever you are saying about they may be about you. Your they may be you in disguise
- If you don’t have confidence in private you won’t have power in public
- It isn’t about what you say. It is what you believe. You know all the right things to say but do you actually believe what you are saying about yourself
- These things that you believe become your vision statement
- Your unbelief is a result of something you heard. You didn’t believe you were dumb until someone told you that you were. Until you change the words in your head, your opportunities will continue to hemorrhage
- You are planted not buried. When you bury something you intend it to stay in the ground. When something is planted you intend to grow it.
- Everything is a choice
- You choose the food you eat, the clothes you wear, and the thoughts you think. You choose to be calm or restless, you choose to feel appreciative or ungrateful
- Love is a choice. Anger is a choice. Fear is a choice. Courage is a choice.
- You choose
So last week my eating wasn’t completely horrible but this week I’ve lost my mind. I’m drinking queso and chasing it with ice cream. Okay that’s a bit extreme but it’s pretty darn close. There was a queso episode and I have 3 different types of ice cream in my freezer right now. Just for the record I did not purchase the ice cream nor have I eaten it yet. It just stares at me every time I open the freezer. We went from a clean eating household to junk overnight. I can definitely tell the difference this week. My Shakeology shakes are still super yummy but I feel like what I’m eating is working against the shakes. I don’t seem to have as much energy as I did before. Our biggest mistake this week was that we didn’t go grocery shopping so we have eaten out quite a bit. It was by no means healthy and the portion sizes have been out of control. Contrary to popular belief…eating healthy meals cooked at home is way cheaper than eating out. You save money and you feel so much better. Somehow I need to turn this around. I’m off the next few days so I’m going to get in as many steps in as I can and definitely will make my way to the store. Time to clean out the junk again and replace it with healthier choices.
I’m not sure that I made them correctly but it was my first attempt. I found a recipe online for roasting Brussels sprouts. I added them to a bag with 3 tablespoons of olive oil, teaspoon of salt and teaspoon of magic lemon and cracked pepper. After shaking the bag up I put them on a cookie sheet and threw them in the oven at 400 degrees for 40 minutes. They didn’t look like they would taste good. In fact I was scared to try them. Hello…I’m a picky eater that avoids veggies remember? I know I have to overcome that in order to continue down this healthy road so I popped one in my mouth. It is was actually yummy. We may have a future together. We will see how they taste when I reheat them. That will probably be the true test since I would like to eat them as a snack during my workday. Maybe I will tackle squash and zucchini next. This could get interesting. 😳
Apparently I took falling off the wagon to a whole other level. The week of eating what I want and not working out had its price. I gained 3.2 pounds in a stinkin week. I’m grateful that I didn’t gain all of the 12.4 that I lost back but the 3.2 sucks. It is the 1st of the month and I’ve done enough damage so I started another round of the 21 day fix today. Obviously it is going to take me longer than 21 days to develop healthy habits. My son has challenged me to lose 30 pounds before Christmas. It’s going to be tough but I’m going to try my best to reach that goal. Needless to say the 21 day fix will just be an until Christmas fix. There will be no stopping after the 21 days is up. I have to keep moving. This time around I’m going to try to workout twice a day and eat more veggies. I also need to try harder to reach my water goal. I think I reached the 156 ounces only twice in the 21 days. I was pretty consistent with getting over 100 ounces but 156 was difficult. So…that’s pretty much the plan at the moment. Modified girl and I will reunite later today. Wish me luck!