I’m in control

It sounds great to say it. Heck it even feels good reading it. I am where I am, I look how I look and I feel how I feel because I choose to. Yes bad things happen. People get sick and tragedies occur. We are still in control of how we respond to these things. I’m sure it sounds super cheesy but for the last week I have really tried to choose my mood. Negativity is a breeding ground for more negativity. It doesn’t feel good to be negative. I’ve worked too much and let my job control my life. Twice last week I left work early to join friends for a drink. I stayed late one night and actually felt great doing it because I chose to do it. I didn’t feel all of the heaviness and stress of completing a task. I stayed because I really wanted to. I know this may sound crazy or not make sense to most people. I felt free this past week. I wasn’t stressed and snapping at people. Anytime I started to have a negative thought I would correct myself. I have a million things to be thankful for so I choose to focus on that and where I want to go instead of all of the darkness that has been surrounding me. I won’t lie and say it has been easy. It’s actually kind of scary when you start to pay attention to your negative moments and how often they occur. Little things like judging someone’s shoes. Why is that even important? It’s such a small thing but that one small negative thing turns into hatred and depression. First it’s the shoes and then you start picking everything and everyone apart including yourself. When you can recognize that then you can start to change. I knew I couldn’t do it completely on my own so I started to feed my mind positive messages. I started to read a book and have been listening to T.D. Jakes. Below are a few of my takeaways. Hopefully they will help someone like they have me. 

  • You will never get anyone to believe in you until you believe in yourself 
  • When you start running from one thing you are going to keep running from everything
  • Whatever you are saying about they may be about you. Your they may be you in disguise
  • If you don’t have confidence in private you won’t have power in public 
  • It isn’t about what you say. It is what you believe. You know all the right things to say but do you actually believe what you are saying about yourself 
  • These things that you believe become your vision statement
  • Your unbelief is a result of something you heard. You didn’t believe you were dumb until someone told you that you were. Until you change the words in your head, your opportunities will continue to hemorrhage 
  • You are planted not buried. When you bury something you intend it to stay in the ground. When something is planted you intend to grow it. 
  • Everything is a choice
  • You choose the food you eat, the clothes you wear, and the thoughts you think. You choose to be calm or restless, you choose to feel appreciative or ungrateful 
  • Love is a choice. Anger is a choice. Fear is a choice. Courage is a choice.
  • You choose


Feeling Good

It’s a new dawn

It’s a new day

It’s a new life

For me

And I’m feeling good

Sigh..how can you not love that song? After being so crazy angry yesterday I knew exactly what I needed to start my day off right today. I needed to see sunrise on the beach and have a conversation with God. I woke up a little too late to walk to the beach to catch sunrise so I drove there instead. As I was driving the negativity started to creep in. It was super cloudy and I could tell there was no way I was going to see the sun. You can tell in the first pic how blah it looked. I tried to focus on the positive things like the huge octopus looking thing that was built by someone on the beach. After a few seconds of admiring that beauty I started my walk and talk. My relationship with God is different than most I’m sure. I don’t talk to him daily or anywhere close to what I should. I don’t attend church or read my bible daily. I try my best to carry as much as I can for as long as I can. I know it’s crazy and totally untrue but I don’t want to burden God with my small problems when there are so many bigger things happening in the world. I try to thank him throughout the day but I keep it brief hoping that I’m not taking up too much of his time. If there is a problem I suck it up and tell myself that God isn’t going to give me more than I can handle. When I have moments like yesterday I know I have waited too long to talk to him. Negativity breeds negativity. That is obvious based on my snowball yesterday. I really just wanted to know that he was still there and I wasn’t alone. If he could show me the sun then that would just be a bonus. As you can see by the pics the clouds shifted and the sun appeared. There are not words to describe how that felt. It’s the simple things, the small nuggets that people take for granted that I hold on to. Those little moments keep me going. I realized more today than ever that I constantly neglect myself. I feel so much better when I’m eating the right foods, exercising and walking with God. My priorites have been way off track. It’s not about being selfish. It’s about taking care of yourself and being the best you for your friends, family and co-workers. It’s way past time to get going in the right direction.