Battle of the mind

So….I finally joined a gym today. It was not an easy thing this time around. I will admit I wanted to join. It was my idea to go look at a few gyms to find out what the options were. It was all great until it got real and we actually talked about joining. What do you mean you want me to sign up right now? I have commitment issues. Pump the brakes. I need to think about this. It’s a lot of money and I don’t have a job. What if I suck and never go? My mood went from being super excited to see the options to complete sadness. It was legit a minor meltdown. It’s amazing how fast I can beat myself down. I can list a million reasons why this is a bad idea. I honestly don’t think I would have joined if my friend wasn’t with me. I agreed to sign up for the month to month plan. I’m giving it one month. If I don’t go then I’m not out a huge amount of money. If I do go then I win because I’m taking care of myself. It doesn’t seem like a hard choice but the mind is a difficult thing to conquer. Wish me luck!

Bye 2019

Isn’t it crazy how the closer it gets to the end of the year, we can’t wait for it to be over? We are convinced it was the worst year ever and are super dramatic about it. We may even throw ourselves on the floor. We instantly forget all of the good things that happened throughout the whole year. I’m totally guilty of doing all of that. Saying goodbye to 2019 is a little different than previous years. I feel like this time I’m actually closing out the last chapter of my first book. I’m hoping that all the pain and craziness in the first book was all build up for an extremely happy ending in the second book. What? A girl can dream. πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ I’m excited about 2020! At this moment it feels like anything is possible and big changes will occur. It almost feels like you just bought a lottery ticket and are convinced you are going to win. You even start planning out what you will do with the money. That’s how I’m looking at 2020. I may dye my hair a crazy color, create a dating profile, run with the bulls, zip line, find baby Yoda, start a doggie daycare, get a tattoo, write a book or skydive. There are endless possibilities. The question is will I allow myself to do anything? Will I get out of my own way and really live my best life? God I hope so! Happy New Year everyone!

Is this impossible?

I’m ashamed of how many times I have asked myself that question. I’ve been using this couch to 10K app to help get me moving. I’m not actually running while doing it so I’m not sure if I will reach the 10K distance by the time I finish the app or not. I’ve been walking and then walking a little faster on the run parts. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have cursed the creators of the app and their moms. The idea is to walk for so many minutes and then run for so many minutes. Each day the run minutes increase. By week 5 they start skipping numbers. You go from running 6 minutes to running 8. Week 6 you jump to running 10 minutes. Today was day 3 of week 6 and can you believe they jumped to 15 minutes of running? Ma’am/Sir…what the hell happened to 7, 9, and the very important 11, 12, 13, and 14? Is this a torture technique? I looked ahead last night so I knew today would include the 15 minute run. That was my first mistake. The really sad part is this isn’t my first time using this app. Clearly this crazy had slipped my mind. Anyway, I didn’t sleep well so I was prepared to sleep in and perhaps not do the couch to 10K today. I’m pretty sure God was pointing at me and laughing when I woke up early. What other excuse can I come up with? My knees have been killing me. Maybe I should take another rest day or just go to the swim class. The 15 minutes just seems impossible for me. Then I was reminded of what a dear friend has been telling me. Celebrate every victory. You may not be where you think you should be but you are making progress. It’s better than where you were a month ago. I rolled out of bed and headed to the gym. I will admit I was still worried about the 15 minutes. I told myself I would do what I can do. I’m in control of the treadmill so if I need to lower the speed before the 15 then I can do that. The goal was to go for as long as I could at the higher speed. I tried really hard to not watch the minutes on the app. That didn’t really work out. I looked down several times but instead of dreading how many minutes I had left, I cheered myself on for how many had already passed. If I’m being honest, I could have gone longer than the 15 minutes at the higher speed. I’m not sure how much longer but I’m excited to find out. It’s only impossible if I don’t try. πŸ€—

Pounds, bye

I know it is only day five of the keto diet and day three of workouts but I was curious and had to weigh myself. You are not going to believe this πŸ’©! Okay let me give you the disclaimer first. It was a different scale than the one I originally weighed in on. With that in mind it may not be totally accurate but it has to be close right? Either way I’m taking the win! I’ve officially escaped the 300 pound club. I now weight 299.2 lbs. I lost 6.8 lbs! Holy cauliflower mash potatoes Batman!! So freakin exciting. I know I will hit a wall at some point and will adjust whatever necessary to continue on this path of weight loss. Wish me luck!

Perception versus reality

I was legit freaking out over the increase to a 4 minute run with the C210K app. It wasn’t super easy but I did the darn thing. Of course I looked ahead and the workout this morning increased to 5 minute runs. What? You gave me one day with 4 minutes and then increased me to 5?!?! I think I scared myself so much that I didn’t wake up early enough to go to the gym this morning. I never set an alarm because I don’t sleep if I do. I’m always freaking out about not hearing it so I don’t rest well. Yes I realize that might be a little crazy. Anyway…I didn’t make it to the gym this morning. I tried to tell myself I needed the extra sleep even though I know it was because I was being a little punk. I was determined to hit the gym after work to beat that 5 minute monster. I walk in and I’m surrounded by fit, skinny people. Holy πŸ’©there is a lot of people at the gym at night. I’m giving them all the stink eye. I’m pretty sure they thought it was because I was hating on the fact that they all look amazing and I’m this fat chick. Nope…that wasn’t it at all. I’m actually okay with not being skinny. I just want to feel better and be healthier. I was giving them the stink eye because it was hot as hell in the gym. Which one of you assholes messed with the air conditioner? They are all young so they were getting the momma stare down. No one confessed their sins so I carried on to the dreaded treadmill. There are a couple of people running on the other treadmills and these guys lifting weights behind me. You can see your reflection everywhere so you know when someone is looking at you. Of course they are looking at the fat chick sweating her face off walking slow motion on the treadmill. I carry on because I’m telling myself I don’t care. They don’t know me and they can think what they want. At least I’m there and putting forth the effort. I finish the killer 5 minute runs and take my sweaty ass home. I make my way to the restroom and that is when I realize why they were staring at me. I don’t normally look in the mirror but sometimes I catch a glimpse. You can see thru my damn shirt!! The sweat just made it that much better. πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ I’m thinking I need to go back and collect some cash from those people for the show I just put on. Damn the luck. I guess I need to slow down and look at myself more often. I shouldn’t assume things are one way when clearly it can be something totally different. πŸ€ͺ

C210K – Week 3 πŸ˜©

Da damn today was rough. Week 3 is complete and boy did it end with a kick in the ass. Okay so maybe I’m being slightly dramatic. They increased the run portion to 3 minutes. 😳 Sure I know that is nothing for some people but for me…it was the longest 3 minutes of my life. Yeah that’s probably a lie too. I’ve given birth, I’ve waited for my son to get out of surgery and am guilty of staring at the clock at work. Three minutes was definitely longer in those situations. Plus if I’m being really honest…I’m not running no damn where. I’m walking at a speed of 3 on the treadmill and my run parts are at 3.5. That is probably slow motion to some people. My big ass is dripping with sweat and wondering when this will be easier. Baby steps…I know. Well and I didn’t die so there’s that. I can tell you that I’m not looking forward to tomorrow’s workout. They bump it up to 4 minutes of running. 😯 I should not have looked ahead. I know I’m making progress with the app but it doesn’t feel like anything is changing with my body. I still feel and probably weigh the same. πŸ˜” Maybe it will change soon but right now I feel like I’m just going thru the motions. I suppose that is better than doing nothing though. If nothing else…I will do it for the badges. Watch out for the rising star πŸ’«πŸ˜‰

C210K – Week 2 βœ…

Holy hell! I just finished at the gym and wow. The amount of sweat dripping off my ass is ridiculous. πŸƒπŸΌβ€β™€οΈThis week didn’t go as I had planned. I’m not sure how I convinced myself that it would. I had hoped to cover two weeks of workouts in one week but I had a few challenges. One day all of the equipment at the gym wasn’t working. I’m guessing it was an electrical issue but who does that happen to? Then there was the bean delay. Yeah you don’t want those details. 😬 Oh and apparently I can’t count because I thought I could take a day off not realizing that had already happened on the equipment issue day. So…I’m hoping to complete week 3 on Sunday. As long as I go Friday-Sunday it can totally happen. The workouts are getting more interesting with longer “run” times. I like it though. I also like the fact that I’m the only person in the gym so if I happen to fall then it’s between the cameras and I. 😊 Here is the badge for this week. Clearly they know the athlete in me is buried deep right now. πŸ˜‚