Baby steps

I’ve tried and failed a million times. Losing weight can be challenging. My biggest obstacle is me. I seem to lack discipline and of course the mental side of things is not easy. This time around I thought I would try to deal with my crazy. If I could strip away the work excuses and stress and focus on being positive then perhaps I would start to see changes. It’s difficult to make changes if you are constantly beating yourself up or not putting yourself first. I’m trying to ease into it. Monday I started tracking my calories and started taking walks again. The doctor would love for me to eat 1200 calories but I think I should take baby steps. Going from eating God only knows how many calories to eating just 1200 is too extreme. I’m pretty sure I would convince myself I was dying and/or starving to death. Extreme changes do not work for me. I get frustrated and quit. I’m hoping tracking the calories will make me more aware of what I’m putting into my body. I may not eat a lot of food but the foods that I was choosing were high in calories. On Sunday we had our last “free meal”. I was shocked when I added up the calories. Just lunch was 2600 calories. Complete insanity. This is a meal that I’ve ordered several times before and did not even realize exactly what I was doing. I think being more aware and learning what the different calorie counts are for the foods that I eat will help me come up with a better plan. The walking is difficult to say the least. I’m glad I’m getting back to it but I’m super slow. I can feel the additional weight that I’ve added to my body. I keep telling myself that it will all improve soon enough. So…I’m listening to positive messages, tracking my calories and easing back into walking again. One message, step and calorie at a time. 

Attack of the treadmill

Do you think treadmill makers take fat, clumsy people into account when they make the treadmills? My guess is no because the treadmill hates me. I’m pretty sure I hate it too. Once upon a time I fell on a treadmill. What can I say? I’m not the most graceful person. I fall down all of the time. It’s awesome. There is nothing like a giant person falling down for no apparent reason. All of this meat and potatoes moving around cannot be a pleasant sight. Anyway…since that one time years ago that I fell on the treadmill I now hold on with both hands. Well up until recently I held on with two hands. You see I decided I was venturing out. I’m working out in a gym. I can do this. I can totally walk on the treadmill swinging both arms like a normal person. I decide I’m going to ease into it since I’m a giant punk. One arm free at a time. After all I need to swing at least one arm to get my Fitbit steps. I had a death grip on the treadmill with one hand and started to swing the other arm. There are cameras at the gym so I may show up on America’s funniest videos. The treadmill is not wide enough for my big ass. If I don’t position myself just right on the treadmill then I beat up my swinging arm on the side of the treadmill. There is no way in hell im swinging both arms. I will definitely face plant once both arms hit the side of the machine. So…excuse my one bruised arm and crazy video. I need my Fitbit steps damn it. Eventually I will defeat the treadmill monster. 😊 

Seesaw, yo-yo torture

The up and down of trying to live a healthier life is going to drive me insane. On Monday I was super excited. After torturing myself with the racing mind the night before, I weighed in and had lost 8.7 pounds. Yay! I had my last session with the trainer yesterday and completed another workout last night. I was nervous but felt I had lost at least another pound. I’m trying desperately to get out of the 300 pound club before I turn the big 40 next week. Feeling somewhat confident I stepped on the scale this morning. Instead of losing weight I actually gained 1.7 pounds. In order not to completely lose my mind and throw things, I’m going to pretend it is because I’m gaining muscle. I have been lifting weights every time we go to the gym. One of the DietBets that I joined ends on 1/28. I have to reach 297.5 pounds by that date in order to split the pot. Losing money is not an option! So…here is the plan. My vacation is 1/20-1/29. I will work out twice a day except for on my birthday until I get under that weight. It’s probably wise for me to focus on cardio instead of weights. Watch out Fitbit friends! If anyone is reading, let me know if that is a horrible plan or what you think I should do. Oh and thanks for reading and attempting to follow my crazy on my weightloss journey. 😊

The final button

Last week we had a work Fitbit challenge. We broke off into teams and talked some serious smack about who would get the most steps. I must say the personality test that I took got that part wrong. Being competitive is not a weakness for me. My big ass didn’t come in last place. In fact I believe I was in 2nd place for my team and 4th place overall. Not too shabby for someone that hasn’t been moving a whole lot. Oh and I would highly recommend you take the personality test. It takes a little bit but it is totally worth it. Yes it is almost 100% accurate and will provide you with so much info. The website is http://16personalities.com. Here is what they said about my competitive issues. The nerve 😡

Overly Competitive – ISFPs can escalate small things into intense competitions, turning down long-term success in their search for glory in the moment, and are unhappy when they lose.

I’m glad no one had to experience that unhappiness because we won! 😉 Needless to say with all of that crazy I was convinced that I had lost weight. I mean damn…I’ve failed at almost everything else on my 21 day challenge list. I didn’t drink my shakes this weekend, exercise for at least 30 minutes each day, drink 100 ounces of water daily, I only blogged once and I ate fast food. I haven’t even started to make the budget or read a book. The only thing that I’ve actually stuck with is staying off of Facebook. Oh and instead of losing weight toward that 10 pound loss goal I gained a pound. Nope it wasn’t muscle that I gained from walking. My top roll just keeps expanding. No matter how much I walk I keep growing. I felt like a complete failure so naturally I refused to get up. Don’t worry that only lasted a few minutes. I try not to dwell in my crazy. Eventually I get up and start trying to turn my mood around. Giving myself the it’s a new day speech and giving up isn’t an option. Blah blah blah. I get dressed and head to the kitchen to make my shake. There is no peanut butter. This is tragic. A chocolate Shakelogy shake is so much better with peanut butter. Again I try to turn the other cheek and think that it isn’t a big deal if you look at the big picture. It’s only peanut butter. Then I start to fill up my massive mug with ice and water. Of course tons of ice shoots out all over the floor. I mean why not? It’s Monday. I think to myself okay it’s easy to clean up. Maybe that spot on the floor needed to be cleaned. No biggie. It’s ice…it will melt and then dry up. I keep going trying to be positive and then the button incident occurred. You see I decided since obviously I’m having a fat day I would wear comfy pants. Well these comfy pants needed to be retired. They are supposed to have 3 buttons and they were down to one. Please tell me why it decided to pop off and disappear. That was the breaking point. I said screw it…I’m wearing these buttonless pants. If my zipper comes undone and I flash everyone so be it. Today wanted to suck so I let it. On a positive note I didn’t flash anyone. Boy are they lucky. Tomorrow is a new day and I can’t wait! 

Wrong direction

It’s been a really tough week. I attempted to do both the videos and walking each day beginning on Sunday. That worked out until Friday. Due to technical issues I could not get the video to start. To make matters worse I ran out of my Shakeology the previous week. I rely on the Shakeology to be my breakfast each morning. Without it I fell into my old habit of picking something up at the drive thru. A majority of my other meals were not the best either. I thought perhaps if I put in the work with the videos and walking I would still come out on top. Obviously that is not true because I gained yet again. It boggles my mind how quickly I gain weight and how it feels like it I’m so slow to lose it. Today I feel defeated for sure. Don’t worry it will only last a short amount of time. I know if I allow it to take over then I will give up. Quitting is not an option for me. I guess I never thought the battle for a healthier me would be so tough. I assumed since I’m so large that the weight would just fall off if I exercised. I didn’t think it would be easy but I didn’t think the fight would be so hard. I guess I just need to reevaluate everything. Perhaps instead of focusing on the long term goal so much I need to set shorter goals. I should really stop trying to have the best of both worlds with my meals. I can’t drink queso and eat pies and expect to lose weight. I’m disappointed in myself for even thinking that was an option. That door needs to be closed and cemented shut. I can do this. I know it. I’m not meant to be obese and unhealthy. I have the tools to win this battle it’s just up to me to use them.  

 

Yes! Yes! Yes! 

Today was the dreaded weigh-in day. I think I would dread it regardless even if I knew I lost weight before getting on the scale. I know it doesn’t matter what number appears it will be a long time before I see a number that I want to see. So needless to say, I hate the scale. Regardless of those feelings I will say I smiled a little after stepping off the scale this morning. I lost another 5.3 pounds! Holy mash potatoes batman!! How in the heck did that happen? I continue to drink Shakeology daily. That’s the only thing I’ve stayed consistent with. I’ve walked at least 30 minutes 5 days a week. Other than that I’ve tried to continue eating healthy but have ventured off the 21 day fix plan with a few items. It hasn’t been horrible but I could eat better. I could also eat worse so I think I will celebrate this win. 👍🏻👊🏻🎉 The week ahead will be interesting. Hopefully I will find a way to get back on track with the videos and continue walking. Wish me luck!!  

 

Did that just happen? 

Holy mash potatoes batman!! I dread getting on the scale. It’s like a weekly confirmation of how I have failed myself. I really dreaded it today because I haven’t done a single workout video this past week. I walked almost every single day except for rainy Monday and well Hallmark held me hostage yesterday. I love those Christmas movies. Anyway…I still faithfully drank Shakeology each day and continued to eat healthier. Well…except for that twizzler episode. Needless to say it was not a perfect week but there was an attempt at doing the right thing. I had convinced myself with all of the walking I had lost maybe a pound or just stayed at the same weight. Insert drumroll here…I lost 4.8 pounds! Hmmm I wonder if I would have lost more if I would have done the workout videos and walking. I guess there is still time to figure that out. 😊 Oh and in other exciting news…I finally hit 10k steps in a day. It only happened once in the past week but I will take it. I haven’t reached 10k in a very long time. I’m so happy to see progress happening and will try not to beat myself up too much playing the what if game. It will never be easy and I’m sure there will always be more that I can do. As long as I don’t quit, I will win this battle.