I’m in control

It sounds great to say it. Heck it even feels good reading it. I am where I am, I look how I look and I feel how I feel because I choose to. Yes bad things happen. People get sick and tragedies occur. We are still in control of how we respond to these things. I’m sure it sounds super cheesy but for the last week I have really tried to choose my mood. Negativity is a breeding ground for more negativity. It doesn’t feel good to be negative. I’ve worked too much and let my job control my life. Twice last week I left work early to join friends for a drink. I stayed late one night and actually felt great doing it because I chose to do it. I didn’t feel all of the heaviness and stress of completing a task. I stayed because I really wanted to. I know this may sound crazy or not make sense to most people. I felt free this past week. I wasn’t stressed and snapping at people. Anytime I started to have a negative thought I would correct myself. I have a million things to be thankful for so I choose to focus on that and where I want to go instead of all of the darkness that has been surrounding me. I won’t lie and say it has been easy. It’s actually kind of scary when you start to pay attention to your negative moments and how often they occur. Little things like judging someone’s shoes. Why is that even important? It’s such a small thing but that one small negative thing turns into hatred and depression. First it’s the shoes and then you start picking everything and everyone apart including yourself. When you can recognize that then you can start to change. I knew I couldn’t do it completely on my own so I started to feed my mind positive messages. I started to read a book and have been listening to T.D. Jakes. Below are a few of my takeaways. Hopefully they will help someone like they have me. 

  • You will never get anyone to believe in you until you believe in yourself 
  • When you start running from one thing you are going to keep running from everything
  • Whatever you are saying about they may be about you. Your they may be you in disguise
  • If you don’t have confidence in private you won’t have power in public 
  • It isn’t about what you say. It is what you believe. You know all the right things to say but do you actually believe what you are saying about yourself 
  • These things that you believe become your vision statement
  • Your unbelief is a result of something you heard. You didn’t believe you were dumb until someone told you that you were. Until you change the words in your head, your opportunities will continue to hemorrhage 
  • You are planted not buried. When you bury something you intend it to stay in the ground. When something is planted you intend to grow it. 
  • Everything is a choice
  • You choose the food you eat, the clothes you wear, and the thoughts you think. You choose to be calm or restless, you choose to feel appreciative or ungrateful 
  • Love is a choice. Anger is a choice. Fear is a choice. Courage is a choice.
  • You choose

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Allowing Fear to Rule

It’s crazy how quickly we let fear captain our ship. I was beyond scared to even start working out. A million thoughts and questions went thru my mind. Of course they were all negative. Would the workouts be too much? I’m so fat there is no way I will be able to do them. What’s the point? Am I going to push myself to hard and die? Yeah that was legit one. I made sure I shaved my legs just in case. 😉 When you haven’t done something in so long or have never done it, I think the first reaction is fear. Fear of failure. Fear of what other people will think. Fear of letting others down. That’s a huge one for me. I even missed someone’s wedding because of my fears. Talk about being selfish. Why do I let fear rule my life? I don’t go places and do things because of fear. Fear I will look like a giant sweaty ball of crazy. Fear my feet will hurt if I walk too far. Fear that I will slow others down. I mean the list could go on and on. I think at some point I would even fear fear. Your mind, your thoughts and lack of actions can definitely put you in a place that is hard to overcome. I try to work thru my fears but I don’t always win. Fear is all in your mind. I know this but I still let it rule at times. Ultimately I’m only cheating myself if I give in to fear. I’m a work in progress to say the least. Doing these workouts and actually committing to something was huge for me. You can talk yourself out of everything but it’s indescribable the feeling you have when you are able to do something that you feared you could not. We are ending week 2 of the 21 day fix and I can feel the difference. It’s not all physical. The mental wins are just as awesome. 😊