Shopping while fat

I hate shopping! Stores are set up like there are very few fat people in the world. The clothing section is always extremely small. The XS sizes are on the top and the XXXL sizes are on the bottom. Do they assume that skinny people are tall and fat people are short? I promise you don’t want to see me bending over digging thru everything on the bottom shelf. I tried finding the workout shirts with funny sayings but nope only inspirational messages could be found. What? I have abs…they are just hidden right now. I could probably find them in the men’s section but why do I have to do that? I have the same challenges when I shop for shoes. Apparently the world is made up skinny people with tiny feet. The smallest shoe sizes are on the top and the largest are on the bottom. I honestly have no idea what the average shoe size is for a woman. Clearly my feet are huge. I guess they grew longer as my body went wider. πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ I challenge you to find decent looking size 11 women’s shoes in a store. That section is almost nonexistent. Again I’m forced to the men’s section. I’m not a dude! I don’t want to shop online for clothes and shoes either. Where is the fun in that? I would rather torture myself with trying on a ton of clothes and buying nothing because I’m depressed about my weight. πŸ˜‚ Oh the drama of shopping while fat

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Cement legs

Determined to have a better day then the day before I decided to venture out. It was actually a decent day until last night. I haven’t been to the movies with the kiddos in forever. Like most normal people they like seats that are higher up in the theater. I like to stay super low to avoid the stairs. Last night we kind of met in the middle…a little high but not all the way to the top. The movie was okay but I’m pretty sure I provided the most memorable moment for everyone. As we are walking down the stairs I apparently thought it would be quicker to just fall down them. It was like my legs were cement and I couldn’t lift them properly. I guess that was one of my awesome superpowers kicking in. I wonder why my invisible power didn’t kick in too so no one would see all of my awesomeness. I used to bounce up quickly after falling but this was slow motion. I twisted my ankle and my legs went backwards. There I was a giant taco on the steps. I should have stood at the door to collect money from everyone for the show I put on. You are welcome people. Hopefully my big behind doesn’t show up on YouTube or as a meme. It’s amazing how many people just stared. Oh well…such is life. So today I have rug burns, a twisted left ankle and bum right knee. Life is too amazing for words. I suppose I should hold on the the fact that I can still walk regardless how odd I look doing it right now. πŸ–•πŸ»stairs. They are the devil. I guess I need to start looking into life alert.

No excuses

I must admit I stayed in bed an extra hour this morning arguing with myself. I’m 40, obese and just had a pretty nasty fall yesterday. I stayed up later than I should have. I have a lot I need to get done today. What if I can’t walk because I’m sore from the fall? It’s cold out side. Someone needs to feed the cat. For real…how many excuses can you make up to not go to the gym? That’s right I’m 40 and obese. Sounds like more of a reason to go than not go. Yes I stayed up late but guess what I’m awake so there’s that. It’s 30 minutes…you have plenty of hours in the day to accomplish other things. Hello big girl you got up multiple times to pee already so you can walk. Oh and you were not dragging a leg so you are not that sore. You like the cold so find another excuse. He’s a cat…he has food and it’s not like it takes 5 hours to give him more. Get your big ass up and go to the gym! I did just that and it feels great! I’m bruised but not broken. No more excuses!

Attack of the shower

It may be a little strange but I talk to myself all of the time. It hasn’t been the greatest year but positive things have happened. As I try to focus on the good I’m quickly reminded I want this damn year to end. I was attacked by the shower. Let me explain. For some unknown reason my bathroom has a tiny square shower. I actually hate it a lot but it serves the purpose. There is this huge separate tub that I should be taking long baths in but nope…haven’t been in it at all. Instead I fight myself in the shower every single day. It’s awesome. Today would be the day that the shower joined the fight. As I’m having my positive reflection time, I step one foot into the shower and boom. Big girl wipes the fuck out. As my large ass falls on the cold tile several thoughts are going thru my mind. Hold your damn head up. For the love of God and all that is holy you don’t need that metal line where the door closes up the crack of your ass. Scoot girl scoot! Big πŸ–•πŸ»to all of that. Did anyone come running when they heard the loud noise? Nope…and it’s probably for the best. Seeing your mom naked on all fours is probably not something you ever want to see in life. I’m a warrior people! I got my big ass up and got in the shower. So what if I have a big bruise on my arm and ass. At least I lived to tell the story. It’s been fun 2017 but you need to go. ✌️

Always waiting…

I’m pretty sure I’m one of the recent blogs if not the last one I said I was done waiting for people. Well…that was a lie. After the last post I went to the gym the next day and actually got my time down to a little over 30 minutes. The next day was going to be a rest day and then the excuses started to happen again. Someone was supposed to go with me and I just kept waiting for them to show so that we could go. I even moved the start time later and still nothing. I kept telling myself they needed my help and if I didn’t wait for them then they would never go. Well…the joke was on me because we never made it back to the gym. Last night I finally told them I was tired of waiting. I was leaving with or without them in the morning. It’s so hard to be selfish and put yourself first. You can’t save the world if you can’t save yourself. I guess I thought I could motivate someone but I really just ended up losing my tiny progress. So…time to reboot again. If they want to go they will go. I have to focus on me right now. I waited five extra minutes this morning and then decided to go to the gym without them. I’m so glad that I did. I’m walking very slow but at least I’m there. I’m not really focused on time or distance at this point. This morning I just walked until I wanted to stop. I signed up for a yoga class last night as well. The class starts in January. I’m super pumped about learning yoga. I’m hoping between the gym and yoga I will be less stressed, happier and healthier. A girl can dream 😊

A different approach

Wow…I have to admit I feel amazing this morning. I woke up way before my alarm was supposed to go off. I contemplated not going to the gym because I didn’t get enough rest. Then I told myself to stop being lazy. I wasn’t going to fall back to sleep and I just needed to get up and stop making excuses. So…I did just that. For the whopping two days I went to the gym last week I only did 30 minutes on the treadmill and left. After all work was so important that I needed to get there early. That’s what I told myself anyway. I walked super slow for those 30 minutes because well…I’m fat as hell with jacked knees and didn’t want to push myself. This week…I want things to be different. Going to the gym takes priority over getting to work early. If I want to get to work early then I need to move faster. I decided my time on the treadmill would be based on distance instead of time. Today my goal was to reach a mile and a half. It’s not a long ways but if you walk super slow then it can take a while. I found myself speeding up the treadmill so that I could reach the distance faster. I know it may sound crazy but it helped me and now I know I can do more than I have been. Tomorrow I will try to beat the time I had today. As I improve then the goal will increase. Before you know it I will be at a 5K. 😊

Almost a complete waste

A week ago today I joined a gym. I had convinced myself I was ready and nothing was going to get in my way. I woke up early and made it to the gym for the first two days. By the third day I started putting work before myself. I told myself it was okay to take a rest day. The next day I told myself I would go after work since I needed to be at work early. The boys said they wanted to go with me so it would be fine. I waited for one of them to get off work only to be told they were hungry and didn’t want to go. The next day was my work Christmas party so I needed to get to work early because I volunteered to work at the party. Again, no workout before or after work. Saturday was going to be the day. No work so no excuses. I woke up and waited for the boys. I just knew they would go with me. They had more excuses and said they would go later. Later came and left and still no gym time. I had finally reached my limit and said forget it. Sunday I’m going by myself and not waiting on anyone. I needed to go to work first. The excuse is too long to explain. After working several hours I came home to change clothes. I asked the boys if they wanted to come with me. One said he did but he had to go to work first. He would be off early so we would get to go when he got home. I waited and waited. Of course he got off 2.5 hours later than he thought. It’s too late to go now and I’m in bed already. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. I let the excuses, work and others get in the way. It wasn’t a complete waste of a week though. I learned a few things along the way. You have to be motivated to go to a gym alone where you know no one. There is no one depending on you to show up but you. I felt out of place and uncomfortable but I did show up at least a couple of days. I need to stop waiting on others. Their path is not my path. They will go to the gym when they are ready to go. I will continue to ask but I will not wait or not go because of them. Work is work. It is a job that provides me with money to pay bills and attempt to enjoy life. It is not my entire life. I don’t want to live to work. I want to work to live. Tomorrow is a new day and full of possibilities. Hopefully week two will be better than the first week. 😳