It’s because I’m 40

At this stage in the game everything wrong in my life is because I’m 40. I was going up and down stairs today and my knees were aching and cracking. It’s not because I’m obese…nope it’s because I’m 40. My shirts rolling up like a tube top…I’m 40. Bearded lady issues…yep 40. Don’t even get me started on my hair…definitely 40s fault. Big puffy eyes…you guessed it…40. It’s sad to say but I think I’ve let myself go and I don’t know that I have the energy to recover right now. I’m just tired. I look like a huge, super pale white woman with a beard, white hair and puffy eyes. It’s like something out of a horror movie. I didn’t even mention anything about my feet. I can’t remember the last pedicure. Any day now I think my heel may cut a hole in my shoe. Heck when was the last time I purchased a bra? Wow…throw nipples touching your toes into the bearded lady description. How do you let things get this far? It was so easy. I seriously believe it happened overnight. When you make everything else more important then you kind of just disappear. Blaming 40 sounds much better though so I think I will stick with that for a while. 


Bearded lady problems

So today I decided to tackle my bearded lady problems. I’ve been plucking here and there and well sometimes just ignoring it completely. Perhaps if I avoid the mirror I could just pretend all of those long hairs and cat whiskers didn’t exist. Forget about the eyebrows that are trying to link up with my eyelashes now. Maybe I should have said I was the honest hairy fat chick. What the heck? Does this chaos ever stop? Bring on menopause if that will help. Just in case you didn’t know, looking at yourself in the car mirror is hazardous regardless if you are driving or not. The amount of hairs that you can see on your face multiplies by like a million. I looked like a full bearded caveman. Yeah I ran inside my house and busted out the hair removal cream. I’m not sure what happened. I think my hairs are immune to the cream now. Maybe the cream was seriously old. Either way I still have long whiskers and a beard. I’ve now added some redness and that nasty cream smell to my face. So…next stop is the spa to ask if I can just dip my face in wax. This may not be the best idea since my face is still tingling from the cream but surely wax redness and little bubbles are better than the freakin bearded lady. Okay maybe not but it’s the look I’m going for today. I hope all of the craziness is cleared up before Monday. Hell by then I may have another beard. So much for that magic pill helping with that. Damn the luck. Maybe I should just embrace it and start doing beard designs. Hmmmm 🤔 yeah I’m thinking that’s a bad idea too. One day…one day I will defeat the beard.