I’m in control

It sounds great to say it. Heck it even feels good reading it. I am where I am, I look how I look and I feel how I feel because I choose to. Yes bad things happen. People get sick and tragedies occur. We are still in control of how we respond to these things. I’m sure it sounds super cheesy but for the last week I have really tried to choose my mood. Negativity is a breeding ground for more negativity. It doesn’t feel good to be negative. I’ve worked too much and let my job control my life. Twice last week I left work early to join friends for a drink. I stayed late one night and actually felt great doing it because I chose to do it. I didn’t feel all of the heaviness and stress of completing a task. I stayed because I really wanted to. I know this may sound crazy or not make sense to most people. I felt free this past week. I wasn’t stressed and snapping at people. Anytime I started to have a negative thought I would correct myself. I have a million things to be thankful for so I choose to focus on that and where I want to go instead of all of the darkness that has been surrounding me. I won’t lie and say it has been easy. It’s actually kind of scary when you start to pay attention to your negative moments and how often they occur. Little things like judging someone’s shoes. Why is that even important? It’s such a small thing but that one small negative thing turns into hatred and depression. First it’s the shoes and then you start picking everything and everyone apart including yourself. When you can recognize that then you can start to change. I knew I couldn’t do it completely on my own so I started to feed my mind positive messages. I started to read a book and have been listening to T.D. Jakes. Below are a few of my takeaways. Hopefully they will help someone like they have me. 

  • You will never get anyone to believe in you until you believe in yourself 
  • When you start running from one thing you are going to keep running from everything
  • Whatever you are saying about they may be about you. Your they may be you in disguise
  • If you don’t have confidence in private you won’t have power in public 
  • It isn’t about what you say. It is what you believe. You know all the right things to say but do you actually believe what you are saying about yourself 
  • These things that you believe become your vision statement
  • Your unbelief is a result of something you heard. You didn’t believe you were dumb until someone told you that you were. Until you change the words in your head, your opportunities will continue to hemorrhage 
  • You are planted not buried. When you bury something you intend it to stay in the ground. When something is planted you intend to grow it. 
  • Everything is a choice
  • You choose the food you eat, the clothes you wear, and the thoughts you think. You choose to be calm or restless, you choose to feel appreciative or ungrateful 
  • Love is a choice. Anger is a choice. Fear is a choice. Courage is a choice.
  • You choose


Angry funk

Do you ever wake up angry and full of negativity? That’s pretty much how my day started. It was pouring outside and I just wanted to stay home. With the amount of rain and flood warnings that we had I just knew the water would be knee deep by my car. It’s usually high when it sprinkles so I knew I was in trouble. No rain boots and the umbrella was at work. I had planned to go walking this morning but I couldn’t do that with the weather. Instead of getting up and doing a workout video I continued to stay in bed and be angry. Eventually I decided I needed to be a responsible adult and get to work on time. As I’m getting ready for work I start to think about why I started the 21 day fix. Aside from the obvious reasons of losing weight and becoming healthy, I started to make my angry list. 

1. I hate that I have to order men size jackets because my size is not available in the women’s version.

2. If you have to consume as much water as I do you tend to frequent the public restrooms. I hate that the stalls seem so small and that I have to walk in sideways. Or my favorite is having to step back by the toilet to open the door to get out.

3. I hate going out to eat. I know that’s hard to believe considering I used to do it so often but it’s just uncomfortable. There is nothing like people looking at you while you struggle to get up out of a booth. 

4. Shaving should be considered a workout for me. 

5. Speaking of showers I’m usually dripping with sweat when I get out regardless of the water temperature. That’s just awesome. Butt naked in front of a fan praying you cool off before the sweat attack hits.

6. My hormones are out of control. I have random white hairs that grow out of my freakin forehead and let’s not even bring up my bearded lady issue. 

7. Why are people obsessed with a thigh gap? I look like a penguin with my calf gap. This shape is horrible. 

8. Do you know what’s it’s like to go up one flight of stairs and be out of breath? I’m pretty sure someone is waiting for me to open the stairwell door just so they can hear me breathe heavy and try to answer their question at the same time. It’s so embarrassing.

9. I should video me putting my socks and shoes on. It would be a YouTube hit for sure. It should be classified as a workout too since there is sweat and heavy breathing involved. 

10. Normal size bath towels barely cover the front of my body. It’s sad when you feel like you should invest in beach towels just so you feel somewhat normal. 

This is just the short list of angry reasons I want to change. I actually started to get angry because I was angry. All of this is my fault and I know it. I’m usually okay with taking the punches and talking myself out of my negative thoughts but today I just couldn’t. Today I’m tired. I will retreat to my comfy bed, put a Disney movie on and know that God willing tomorrow will be another opportunity for me to take over the world. 😉