Complete Fail

Plan K was successful on Monday. Well at least for the workout side of things. Unfortunately Tuesday and Wednesday was a complete fail. Thursday isn’t looking too positive either. The short version is my sons car started to overheat about an hour before I was suppose to meet my friend at the gym. I had to follow him to a car place and leave his car there so that they could work on it the next morning. Since I now have the only car I got to play chauffeur. After talking to some people we decided to pick his car up Wednesday morning and take it to a dealership. It’s too new to be overheating. Surely it is covered by warranty. My luck it will be that one thing that isn’t. Anyway….we didn’t make it to the dealership because his boss called him into work. That’s right…I’m still the lucky chauffeur and no gym time is happening. We will try again tomorrow. Chances are I will have to drop the car off and I will continue to be the driver. Work is chaotic and so is life right now. Hopefully next week will be my week. 

So what had happen was…

Plan K was not a complete success. I had planned to go shopping yesterday after work but of course I worked too long. By the time we finished with dinner it was close to 9pm. Needless to say my eating was crap today but I did manage to leave work at 5pm to go to the gym. Of course I went back to work nice and ripe after the gym. I’m sure I was loved by many. I think my nastiness will help me leave at a decent time. 😊 Tonight I decided it was better to go to the store before dinner or else I may not go. I didn’t get everything I need but at least I have a few healthy snacks. My friend and I have decided to order meals from this clean eating place. We are going to try and eat them for lunch during the week. Unfortunately that won’t start until maybe next week. Until then I will try to punt my way thru this week. Eating healthy is probably my biggest hurdle. If I can conquer that beast then maybe I will finally see a difference in my weight loss journey. Fingers and toes crossed that I will work this out. I may have a thousand plans and be on an emotional roller coaster but at least I’m not giving up. 😁

Plan K

I’ve made so many plans to become healthier and work less but nothing has worked out yet. If it did work out, I didn’t stick with it. It’s super hard to win when you are fighting against your own stubborn self. So…I’ve come up with a new plan. Work sucks right now and that isn’t going to change anytime soon. I’m going to have to work a lot of hours but perhaps I can take better control of my day. I’m still going to get to work early in hopes that I will be able to leave before dark. Breakfast will be oatmeal or a shake at my desk. I will try to meal prep today so that I can bring a healthy lunch to eat at my desk. I will leave at 5pm to go to the gym. After the gym I will return to work and have a shake for dinner. So basically I’m leaving work before dark but coming back. 😊 It may not be the healthiest plan but it has to be healthier than what I’m doing now. Tomorrow the fun begins. Wish me luck! 

Just breathing

I’ve been working a lot and things seem to keep getting worse. This week I tried to limit myself to 12 hours a day. I failed. I didn’t make it to the gym any day, I ate every meal at my desk and I may snap if one more person tells me how tired I look. I’m taking one day off a week and on that day I just want to breathe. I don’t want to see anyone, talk or do anything. It sounds depressing but it’s the only escape I have from the rest of the chaos. I’m so tired. I feel like each day is a fight and I’m just trying to survive. This can’t be how I’m supposed to live for the next five months. Let’s not even talk about my health. I’ve avoided the scale but I have to weigh in soon for my Dietbet. I already know it’s not going to be pretty. You can’t eat fast food, not go to the gym and expect to lose weight. So…what do I do? I finally went to the gym today and I started to swell up. I’m not talking a little bit of swelling either. My hands looked like the Nutty Professor. Who does that? Of course the fat girl would be allergic to the gym. It makes total sense. I’m supposed to meet my friend again tomorrow so we shall see what happens. 

Lost

Have you ever questioned everything? Are your friends your friends? Are you consumed with what people think? Do you feel like you’re constantly failing? I know all of this sounds crazy and I’m sure I’m just feeling this way because of how chaotic my work life is right now. It’s difficult to know who to trust and if you are making the right decisions. A very large part of me just wants to walk away. I’m just tired. There is so much work and no matter how many hours I work I still feel like I will never get ahead. I’m doing too many jobs and doing them all poorly. There isn’t a light at the end of this tunnel. If there is it is months away. I’m trying really hard to mentally prepare myself for what is to come but it seems to be a daily struggle to keep focused. I find myself playing the if they do this then I quit game. That’s not who I am. I am not a quitter nor do I give ultimatums. I feel the bags growing under my eyes. My neck has been tightening up a lot here lately. I keep rolling it around looking for relief. Then I start to go crazy thinking I’m about to stroke out. How can I get back into the routine of walking and exercising when I feel like every moment I’m awake I should be at work? Then I wonder what the hell am I doing it all for? If I was to die tomorrow what would I be remembered for? My guess would be that I worked a lot. Somehow I need to snap out of this funk. I need to figure out my priorities and what’s important. This lost feeling isn’t working for me. 

Scale Challenges

Month two of my DietBet challenge has come to an end which means I must weigh in. With all of the craziness of moving, working a million hours, not eating right and not making it to the gym like I should I have been avoiding the scale. I knew I was falling into old habits but I really didn’t need the scale to confirm that. So I did what any normal person would do…I talked to the scale. For the love of God and all that is holy please don’t show a number over 300 pounds again. Just in case you are wondering…that didn’t work out in my favor. So then I went to plan B…move the scale around my bathroom until I see the number I want to see. Boom! That worked! I may not know my true weight but I got the number I needed for the DietBet challenge. I’m pretty sure that won’t work next time so I need to get my crap together. Hopefully things will balance out soon at work and I will finish moving this weekend. A girl can dream…

Excuses or horrible priorities?

Sorry…it’s been a while since my last confession. I’m not sure if I like making excuses, have crappy luck or am just not disciplined enough. Life knows how to throw me some curveballs and then I just strike out. I seriously fail every time there is a choice between me and something else. The first excuse on the list is after a very long time in one house we decided to relocate to another house. This moving process has been going on for about two weeks. There is just too much junk and not enough time. Why is there no time? Well my work life sucks…a lot. We are down at least seven people. I had this glorious plan that in March I would be focusing on one job, leave work at a decent time and get healthy. Then everything was turned upside down. Now I’m working at least 12 hour days and am unable to keep a consistent gym schedule. Tomorrow is my monthly weigh in and I’m pretty sure I didn’t meet the goal. It all just sucks. I want to be awesome for my team but I’m worried about my health. How can I make this work? I feel like I have to cover as much as I can at work so more people don’t leave. I know that’s crazy but I’m not sure what else to do. So…I’m further down the priority list again. Same problem but just a different year. I just need to come up with a plan of attack. Until then I will squeeze in gym time whenever I can and try to make it all work. 😬