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Today is that day

You know the one where you are probably at your lowest point. I tried for a moment to think of something positive about myself and totally failed. I literally hate everything about myself at this moment. Don’t worry…my crazy ass will snap out of it and will attempt to be awesome tomorrow. Today is just tough. One of my friends informed me this weekend that I needed to purchase a swimsuit. The thought of it made me ill. I haven’t owned a swimsuit in years…like 20 or so. We went to three different stores and I was just dripping with sweat. Thank God none of them had any for me to try on. I would have passed the hell out. I started heading home and of course I’m telling myself I’m a grown ass woman and I should just buy a swimsuit. It’s not that big of deal. My body is my body and I should just get over myself. I bought an Apple Watch and pie instead because that made more sense. 😳 After I beat myself up last night I decided I would go again today to a different store. I grabbed a couple of different short sizes and they only had one top that was maybe my size. OMG! I’m so fat…there are no words to describe what I saw in that mirror. My knees look like they are sunk in. They actually look like the back of my leg if I’m being honest. It’s really, really bad. I have the largest size shorts that they have and if I gain a pound I may bust out like the Incredible Hulk. The only thing I can say about the top is I thought it was a smaller size than what it actually is because I was going based on the size on the hanger. Yeah that was an awesome discovery too. I bought it though. Now I own a swimsuit that I don’t want to wear but I will eventually. I know what you are thinking. Fat girl get off your ass and do something about it. Yeah I know…I don’t need the lecture or judgement. Tonight I will eat Oreos and work because that is the only thing I’m good at. Tomorrow is a new day…

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