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Lost

Have you ever questioned everything? Are your friends your friends? Are you consumed with what people think? Do you feel like you’re constantly failing? I know all of this sounds crazy and I’m sure I’m just feeling this way because of how chaotic my work life is right now. It’s difficult to know who to trust and if you are making the right decisions. A very large part of me just wants to walk away. I’m just tired. There is so much work and no matter how many hours I work I still feel like I will never get ahead. I’m doing too many jobs and doing them all poorly. There isn’t a light at the end of this tunnel. If there is it is months away. I’m trying really hard to mentally prepare myself for what is to come but it seems to be a daily struggle to keep focused. I find myself playing the if they do this then I quit game. That’s not who I am. I am not a quitter nor do I give ultimatums. I feel the bags growing under my eyes. My neck has been tightening up a lot here lately. I keep rolling it around looking for relief. Then I start to go crazy thinking I’m about to stroke out. How can I get back into the routine of walking and exercising when I feel like every moment I’m awake I should be at work? Then I wonder what the hell am I doing it all for? If I was to die tomorrow what would I be remembered for? My guess would be that I worked a lot. Somehow I need to snap out of this funk. I need to figure out my priorities and what’s important. This lost feeling isn’t working for me. 

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One thought on “Lost

  1. I relate. I am graduating soon and my brain tells me that I didn’t work hard enough and I’ll never ever get a good job. Then those thoughts just spiral from there. What helps is to know that there is nothing to do about it now. Staying in the past causes depression and staying in the future causes anxiety so you must stay in the present.

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