Catfish prisoner

There are only a few things I want to do when I get home from work…strip, eat and watch pointless tv. The stripping part makes perfect sense because I feel like a giant sausage stuffed in clothes all day. The laying on the couch part makes zero sense. We have the most uncomfortable couch on the planet. My body aches just sitting on that thing. I hate it…a lot. That doesn’t stop me though. I sat on that stupid thing for hours and I blame Catfish. Why do they have to put on back to back episodes? It’s a trap. Once you get sucked in you can’t turn the channel or get up. My body was already sore from the workouts and then I was held hostage and tortured by the stupid couch. There was legit 100 other things I could have been doing but I seriously lacked motivation or drive. I eventually rolled my big ass off the couch to go to bed. It was way late compared to when I usually go to bed. I’m all about early to bed and early to rise. I never set an alarm clock. My body wakes up about the same time each day even if I’m a fat, lazy chick laying on the couch way too late at night watching pointless tv. I woke up early and hated life. I was so tired but I did it to myself. Did I get up and do the workout video? Nope….my thighs were still sore and it was the lower body workout day. That pretty much equals death. I walked oh so slowly to the bathroom and nearly broke the toilet. My thighs did not want to move. I think I need to install bars by the toilet if I’m going to continue working out. Squatting to pee sucks! I survived the day though and invited a friend over so that I would not be trapped by the crappy couch again tonight. With her help I was able to cross a few things off my list. Even though I’m still sore I will break out the lower body video tomorrow. Time to suck it up buttercup and drop some pounds. 


Bike butt

As if torturing myself with the workout video this morning was not enough I decided to climb my big behind up on the stationary bike after I got home from work. If you want to lose weight you have to work for it right? That bike is the devil. My ass has taken on a whole new shape. The seat is huge but it isn’t comfortable at all. I don’t see how people can ride bikes with little seats. Let’s not even talk about my jello legs. I bet you are wondering how long I was on that bike. 😊 A whopping 15 minutes of me pretending I’m in slow motion spin class. I was already a little sore from the workout this morning. I’m just happy that I even tried to do something tonight. Normally I would have just relaxed and watched tv. It’s hard to break old habits but it’s something that I must do if I want to become a healthier person. Watch out world…I may do 17 minutes on the bike tomorrow. 😉 Small wins are still wins! 

But did you die? 

Holy mash potatoes batman!! I’m not quite sure how I forgot but these 21 day fix videos are tough. I just finished the Total Body Cardio Fix and yes my whole body feels it. All I kept hearing her say was you can do anything for 60 seconds. Oh and if it’s burning it’s working. Both are true I suppose. I modified the modified girl at times. I definitely don’t move as fast as they do but I’m still moving. Based on what I look like at this moment it’s a good thing I don’t go to the gym or attend bootcamps. My hair is out of control and I’m pretty sure I have gallons of sweat happening. As a fat chick I already feel like people look at me with disgust. Yes I also know that is probably in my head and may not be true but we all have our issues. Anyway…you add the fat part plus moving and sweating…yeah I think I will do that in the comfort of my home instead of in public. I’m accomplishing more because I know I’m giving it all I have because I’m not worried about being judged by others. It’s me pushing me. It may not work for everyone and that’s okay. You should do what works for you. I’ve done the videos before and I promise they work. My problem is I have difficulty sticking with things and I’m the queen of excuses. I work hard to lose weight and then I stop doing the very thing that worked. Apparently I enjoy sabatoging myself. All things that I need to work on and change. The mental side of trying to lose weight is always the toughest part. I may joke about being murdered by the video but really overcoming the mental demons is when winning happens. If I can conquer that then the weight will fall off. Wish me luck! 

Fat girl feet

Last week I pushed pretty hard. I was determined to get at least 10k steps per day. I woke up each morning and went for a 2-3 mile walk. It rained one day so I waited and went that afternoon. I really tried to overcome my excuses and push through. Friday’s walk was a little challenging. I heard someone walking behind me. I could hear them catching up. For whatever crazy reason I was determined that they were not going to pass me. My feet were hurting but I kept going. They didn’t catch me. It may or may not be because they turned off the road. Minor details that are not important. It was a win for me damn it. Well maybe not so much a win. Both feet were hurting but the foot that I previously had in a boot was really hating me. I’m not sure if I injured it again or if I just pushed too hard. Either way I think I’m going to have to reevaluate this whole walking thing. If I hurt the foot and have to wear a boot then I will never get this weight off. My guess is my feet are hurting because they are under a whole lot of pressure. I mean jeez I’ve only added 175 pounds that shouldn’t be there. Once upon a time I had a pretty arch. That thing has caved under pressure and not I have flat feet. The doctor told me to wear inserts to prevent my arches from hurting. They help as long as I’m not walking a lot. Shoes do play a big role but here lately even that hasn’t mattered. My feet hurt as soon as I stand on them in the morning. It’s almost like they have to do a warmup to get ready for the day. It’s either that or I just get used to the pain. Either way it all sucks. So…my new approach will be to ride an exercise bike and do my 21 day fix videos. That modified girl kicked my ass before there is no reason why she won’t do it again. Wish me and my fat girl flat feet good luck. Twenty-four more days to get to the 15 pound weight loss goal. Anything is possible! 

The Nutty Professor 

Yesterday was the first official day of taking these lovely diet pills. I felt sluggish all day long. I was constantly yawning and really just wanted to go to sleep. Of course that would have been frowned upon considering I was at work. I ate the same things and portions that I normally ate. There were no side effects as far as I could tell other than feeling blah. After work I went home, ate dinner and watched tv. I went to sleep at my normal old lady time around 10pm. I woke up at 2:30am. Naturally I did what any human would do. I tossed and turned trying to convince myself to go back to sleep. It didn’t happen. Finally at around 5am I accepted defeat and got ready to go walking. I walked a little longer this morning because why not…I had the time. Once I got home and started getting my things together I noticed my hands were swollen. Holy shit! The damn side effects have kicked in. I instantly look down to see if my ankles and feet were swollen. Yep…I’m too fat to tell. I have now convinced myself I’m having a nutty professor moment. You know when little Sherman starts expanding into big Sherman. Because I’m overly dramatic and a thousand thoughts are rushing thru my mind. What water temperature should I use in the shower? Am I going to develop a damn rash next? Are my pants going to fit? Should I soak my hands in Epsom salt? Don’t worry at some point I put the crazy in check. It took me a little bit especially after I put my pants on. It felt like they were tighter than usual on my thighs. Oh hell this is a real life blowfish situation. My fingernail polish is shrinking because the rest of my hands are so huge. Crazy pills made me wake up early and now look at me. Like I needed to be swollen. So what do I do when I feel like I’m larger than normal? I get a giant stripped shirt to wear to work. I’m sure people are still trying to understand my lines. I snap out of the drama and pretend the swelling will go down. After a whole lot of judgement from a coworker…the swelling did go down. I did feel better today even though I got up so freakin early. I didn’t eat as much today so I guess something is working. It’s after 10pm now and I’m praying I will fall asleep soon. Hopefully the nutty professor will not show up tomorrow. Hopefully no other strange side effect shows up either. 😊

Fat girl struggles

Four weeks ago today I had a follow up appointment with my doctor to see how the meds she put me on was working. I weighed in at a whopping 299 pounds. Da damn! That means I gained and the meds did not do the trick. The next move was to tell me to stick with a 1200 calorie diet and she gave me a prescription for diet pills. I absolutely hate the thought of taking diet pills. There was no pills involved when I packed on all of these pounds. I’m not looking for a quick fix that provides a short term solution. I’ve always thought that the right diet, hard work and dedication would help me reach my weight goals. I left the doctors office that day knowing that I would not get that prescription filled. I would track my calories and exercise. I will admit that 1200 calories is difficult. My eating habits are horrible. It’s not like I have 6 Big Macs for lunch or anything like that. I don’t eat a lot but I do eat the wrong things. I downloaded the Lose It app and started tracking. On a good day I kept it around 1200. On a really bad day it increased all the way to 2100. Because I’m morbidly obese I tend to burn more calories than most people. That helped offset my calorie intake. At least that was how I looked at. The good doc wanted me to lose 4-6 pounds over the following 4 weeks. I thought for sure I would do it. Nope…epic fail! I returned to the doctor today and I gained 2 pounds. A freakin mazing!! Not only did I gain but now I’m over that 300 pound mark. Just awesome! Big 🖕🏻to that shit! I told her I guess I should accept defeat and get the stupid diet pills filled. Clearly my way isn’t working out. She wants me to lose 4-6 pounds over the next 4 weeks. I told her I want to lose 15. I guess I should just take what I can get right now. I left her office and dropped the prescription off. They were a little weird at the pharmacy when I dropped it off. There was a long silence while sitting at the drive thru. They finally came on and said they were checking to see if they had it. I left and then went back to pick it up after work. First I will say I’m a freak about side effects. I usually fill prescriptions, read the side effects and then never take them. Look people…I have bad luck! I would be that person that invents a new side effect for something. I kept telling myself it would be okay. I drive up to the window to get the pills and the guy asked me for my ID. What the hell kind of pills is she giving me? Oh lord! The side effects are going to be scary for sure. The first red flag falls under the uses section. It states that it is not known how this medication helps people lose weight. Seriously? How do you not know? Moving on to the how to use section. Taking this medication late in the day may cause insomnia. This medication may cause withdrawal reactions. Rarely, abnormal drug-seeking behavior (addiction) is possible with this medication. And now my favorite part…side effects. Please call 911 if I’m an asshole with a dry mouth appearing dizzy as I run to the bathroom for my nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. If you never see me going to the bathroom and I appear to be in pain while sitting it is because I’ve developed hemorrhoids from the constipation that is occurring. I already have high blood pressure but apparently this medication will raise it some more. Oh great here are a few more side effects. There will be mental/mood changes. I could be an angry person that hallucinates, has nervousness and uncontrolled muscle movements. Pump the brakes. The next one is change in sexual ability/interest. This could go either way. Blurred vision could be helpful in that circumstance. I’m not sure the slurred speech, seizure or severe headache would work in my favor though. Let’s not even talk about the lung and heart problems that can occur. The side effects that I will ignore is the ones that I already have because I’m big as hell. Difficulty breathing with exercise, decreased ability to exercise and swelling of the legs/ankles/feet. Of course they had to throw the rash, itching and swelling in there to further tramatize me. I should rest easy with it all because it says that my doctor has prescribed this medication because she has judged the benefit to me is greater than the side effects. Well…I will just try to forget everything else then. Wish me luck cause clearly I need it.