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Mental war

Sorry it has been so long since the last blog. I never seem to allow myself enough time to complete everything that I would like to. I changed my workouts a little bit but needed to adjust the start time. My sleep patterns are crazy. I will wake up at odd times and try to force myself to get more rest. Really I just read the news for an hour or so and pray I will go back to sleep. Eventually I do but it causes me to wake up later than I would like to or I wake up after a few minutes and start the cycle over again. Regardless it is my fault for not managing my time. Anyway…I had my follow up appointment yesterday to find out the results of the blood test. I was convinced there was something wrong with my thyroid because of my weight challenges. I feel like I try to workout at least 5 days a week and I’m not seeing as much progress as I thought I would. I will admit what I consume is not always the healthiest but I’m not eating a ton. As I stated before I don’t consume enough food each day. I’m close to 300 pounds and 5’7″. Weight should be falling off me but nope it is sticking to me like glue. Not the cheap glue…expensive super glue. I also assumed that something was out of whack with my hormones. I’m the sweaty bearded lady. I’m not sure how to feel about the results. The doctor said I’m super healthy. Yep…I’m shocked too. How is a sweaty, obese, bearded lady healthy? I went in hoping we could easily identify what was wrong and come up with a plan to attack it. Her guess is that I have policistic ovarian syndrome. I haven’t really researched all of the details but she prescribed a couple of meds for it and will do more tests in 90 days. I will do what I usually do. Drop the prescriptions off, pick them up and read the side effects. I hate taking pills especially for weight issues. I didn’t take a pill to get fat. So I then go thru the process of beating myself up. Am I not working hard enough? Maybe if I was stricter with my eating it would be different. I’m just lazy. Is this the easy way out? The list of questions and punches can go on forever. I’m not sure what the right decision is. She mentioned that I’m not diabetic but my body doesn’t break down sugar like it should. One of the meds will help with that and the other helps the bearded lady part. I made it clear I was not interested in an appetite suppressant. I don’t need that. So…do I avoid reading the side effects and take the stupid pills? I don’t want to take pills for the rest of my life but I feel like if I don’t get this weight off I will. My blood pressure issues won’t go away until my weight does. What is easier to justify taking? I don’t want to take any of it. I feel like I’m cheating if I do. Regardless I can’t give up. I just need to figure out the best path for me. Obviously what I’m doing now is not working. I need to figure out what does…quickly. 

 

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